Who I Am Is Not What I Do
What a tearful informational interview taught me about career pivots and why tactics alone won't get you unstuck.
When I was in the middle of my first career pivot, I cried during an informational interview with the CEO of a marketing firm.
I cried because my identity was completely wrapped up in my job.
A career pivot feels impossible when your identity is wrapped up in your work. The fear, the overwhelm, the not knowing where to start — it's all normal. What most people don't realize is that the tactics aren't the problem. How you think about making a change is what determines whether it actually happens.
The Moment I Refused to Choose Between Life and Work
I had been passionate about theater since I was a kid. I was lucky enough to have the support to study it in undergrad, and I focused on stage management. All throughout school and summer internships, I had amazing opportunities. Plus, a fantastic gig lined up after graduation.
Then, two years into my career, a family member passed away. I was working and wasn’t able to attend the funeral. As they say, “the show must go on.”
That was my first nudge toward a career pivot.
Then there was another moment. It was a Jewish holiday, and there was a show. I would normally observe the holiday, and a mentor said to me: “Do you want to be Jewish, or do you want to be a stage manager?”
Needless to say after that encounter, I was out. I refused to choose between life and work.
The First Career Pivot
Transitioning from theater to… not theater was extremely challenging.
I thought I had a non-transferable skill set. I only knew how to write a resume in a very specific format. My whole identity was tied to my work. It was what I loved, what I studied, and where I had built community. It was what I was known for.
I didn’t know where to start.
As I explored options, a family member helped me schedule an informational interview. That’s what led me to that office, crying in front of a CEO.
Even the CEO said, “Maybe you’re not ready to make a change.” And honestly, he was right.
I was telling myself that theater was my identity, and I wasn’t emotionally ready to leave it. It felt like a betrayal of myself, my education, and my friends. It felt like letting myself down.
That’s when I realized something important: Who I am is not what I do. I am not my job.
This was a pivotal insight…but I felt alone with it.
At the time, I didn’t even know coaching existed. But, eventually, I did make a change.
I went back to interning at a marketing firm (not the one I cried at) and from there ended up planning and managing public events at a museum in NYC.
That wasn’t my only pivot, and each one got a little easier.
When Logic Says Go But Fear Says Stay…
I share all of this because I know I'm not the only one who has experienced the fear, uncertainty, and loss of identity that comes with a career pivot.
Maybe you find yourself where I once was. You know, logically, that you’re ready to make a change but emotionally, it feels impossible. You’re not quite sure how to leave behind the career you’ve worked so hard to build even when it’s no longer the right fit.
It's easy to jump straight into tactics: updating your resume, refreshing your LinkedIn profile, panic applying to jobs. It feels productive. But the fear is still in the driver's seat.
And it sounds something like: “I don’t have any transferable skills.” “My job looks great on paper, I should be grateful.” “What if I make a change and it’s worse?” “I’m worried about what my family and friends will think.” “I’ve already invested so much into this career, just to start over is crazy.” “Who am I without this title?”
What I see most often is that the pivot itself isn’t the problem. How we think about making a career change is.
If we believe we do not have any transferable skills, what might happen? We feel like our experience isn’t “good enough” and then we don’t apply for the roles we really want. And so our thoughts and fears shape our actions which ultimately impacts our results.
Finding My Professional Home
Years later, I made another career change from public events to corporate events at a startup. That’s where I first learned about coaching.
I became so intrigued by coaching and its benefits that I followed my curiosity and eventually became certified myself. At first, I thought I was simply adding leadership tools to my toolkit. Instead, the experience was transformational.
I grew up surrounded by entrepreneurs, so starting my own business was always somewhere in the back of my mind. I just didn’t know what it would be. Now, with coaching, I had a path.
Before I made that leap, I pivoted again and found what I like to call my “professional home” in Learning & Development.
What I Know After 3 Pivots & Hundreds of Coaching Convos
After navigating three of my own career pivots, spending over a decade in corporate learning & development and partnering with hundreds of professionals as they navigate their careers, here's what I've learned:
My clients typically don’t come to me asking: “I need help updating my resume” or “I need salary negotiation tips.”
Instead, they come looking for relief from guilt, the courage to make radical change, and help navigating the fear that keeps us comfortable but stuck.
It is through these conversations that I’m reminded that my “brand” of career coaching is not about teaching people how to make a career change. It’s about helping them think differently so change actually becomes possible.
And that’s the magic of coaching. Not in the strategy itself, but in creating the space and clarity to get to tactics in the first place.
When it was finally time, eight years later, to launch my coaching practice, I found myself in a less-than ideal work environment.
But there was one major difference between this pivot and my first: I had a coach!
What Having a Career Coach Actually Looked Like
The coached version of me had support.
I was drained, burned out, and my mental and physical health were suffering. But having a coach helped me both to process what was happening at work and find enough energy to focus on what came next.
Here's what that actually looked like in practice: I could process what was happening within an extremely difficult work environment and in doing so found enough energy to plan my exit. When I wavered or second-guessed myself, my coach helped me get clear on what I actually wanted…not what I thought I should want.
Crucially, she helped me build a plan. So when I did have time outside of our sessions, I knew exactly where to focus. I wasn't starting from scratch every time I sat down to build my business.
Most importantly: I wasn’t doing it alone.
When I finally left that toxic job, all the puzzle pieces were already in place. I now had the time, space, and support to fit them together.
Having a coach made all the difference. (Thanks, Sarah!)
What’s Possible on the Other Side
Now as a coach, here’s what I’ve seen happen on the other side of this…
Clients who felt completely stuck find roles that actually fit their lives. One quit and started her own business. People who were convinced their skills didn't transfer discover they'd been underselling themselves the whole time. A client who spent over ten years in the same role, at the same organization, wondering if she'd ever actually leave made a plan to exit and did.
Different situations but in every case, the shift began when they were willing to move beyond tactics and identify what was actually holding them back. For some it was values alignment. For others, the belief that their skills actually transferred. And for one client, the realization that focusing on her own career wasn't selfish, it was the most caring thing she could do for her family.
That's available to you too. You don't have to have it all figured out before you start.
If you’ve been thinking about leaving your job for months, or even years, but feel afraid to make a move or unsure where to start, let’s stay in touch.
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